With Halloween looming right around the corner; the weird and creepy are currently in fashion. Parents, you have to admit, there is very little that is weirder and more unpredictable than raising kids. There is absolutely nothing more terrifying in the movies than a ghoulish little girl in a dark hallway. Monsters, zombies, Freddy and Jason beware.
My little kid is beyond adorable but creepy as hell sometimes. This compilation shows all the times that I thought I might be raising a serial killer. I’ve had at least 30 people tell me that I really need to publish the weird shit she has said and done. Part of me knows it will be hysterically funny; the other part is a little concerned that I may be called to testify against her one day. I don’t actually think I’m raising a serial killer. . . anymore. She hasn’t spit on any kids lately and she actually has a few friends now. Plus, I know your kid has done some creepy shit too. Now’s the time to laugh together and share the weirdness that is childhood.
I don’t have any photo evidence but this is the earliest event I can remember. She was roughly two, I was putting her down for a nap and she wrapped her little hands around my neck and said with a clenched jaw:
“I’m going to kill you”. . .
It was too quiet. This is what I found. I know what you are thinking, but her sister was at school.
This was the first time I considered that I might be raising a serial killer. She wasn’t in the room at the time that I found the body, but I’m pretty sure I could get a conviction. Should I be impressed she gave her a pillow first?
Specimen Jars? Plastic jar, dolls, water, lid. I have no idea. Kids are creepy. It’s stuff like this that leads me to believe her college savings will eventually be a lawyer fund.
Recently my Aunt Donna gave her this cute little jeweled ID Case. Sort of like an old fashioned cigarette case. She’s sporting it in her waistband below. Maybe a week went by and I popped it open and found this. How she even found one that fits ever so perfectly inside, I will never know. When I asked her what it was for she said “killing wolves”.
The kids club at my gym was a constant source of her intolerance of other kids. One day while leaving we had this conversation:
She almost never moves when she sleeps at night:
This dead butterfly was her very favorite pet ever. She and her cousins were obsessed with carrying it around and showing everyone. She cried when I took it away from her. Then when it blew off the balcony, she was convinced it came back to life. Ummmkay.
And for the grand finale. This is actually her big sister who was maybe 3 at the time.
Do not hold back, I know your kid has done or said some creepy shit. Scroll way down and share it in the comments. You can even use a fake name. Inst-fans and Tweeters, use #raisingserialkiller
I don’t spend all my time making fun of my
potential serial killers creepy kids . Evident here- –
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